Matthew's thought time...

Just jotting down some ideas that have been floating around in my head and i think i need to get out there. And another screenplay based on what was said at uni today (this is me sticking two fingers up at the suggested hiatus, although it does sound nice -i think we're so close to cracking this story i just wanna get it done while its fresh in my head)

But first a rant

I'm finding the story keeps getting plagued with "Love". I wouldn't say that any of the characters love in this film (other than perhaps Macho's love for himself). Hero gnome and Macho gnome both want Girl for their own selfish desires and lust (trying not to make it sound smutty...honest) The way i see the scenario Hero's predicament is exactly the same as when you see a beautiful girl in a bar, although you feel the immediate impulse to go over and woo her, you aren't in love with her in anyway seeing as you've only known her for about 20 seconds (or in our films case 2 mins). Macho gnome just wants to make her his because shes there; and he feels that he deserves everything that he desires because hes just so damn good looking.
Adding an element of love to the film also damages the story because you loose the ending, you sympathise too much with Hero and i don't think the audience would be very appreciative of us smashing Girl at the end.

Now onto the screenplay, am gonna put my reasons down as well so you can see why I've put stuff in -

A football bounces across the screen and in front of Hero who is sitting fishing and disappears off to the side. We see Hero staring wistfully at statue of Girl who is on the other side of the pond. Girl is standing upon a small hill of pebbles and is clearly the prize possession of the garden, as the camera focuses on her a bee flies into the side of her causing her to rock slightly.
-Right the first sentence is unchanged from the version i wrote earlier because its a very simple and established shot. Bit of playing up Girls status as a desired object. The the weird bit, the bee. There was quite alot of discomfort over whether the audience would question the fact that she couldn't move. I think this will work if we SHOW the audience quite firmly that she cannot move, this may seem stupid and it'll probably still be questioned but if we firmly and clearly set down the rules of the world (OUR RULES!) the audience will just accept it. When she doesn't react to being hit by a bee it says quite obviously and clearly that she is an inanimate character and it'll work...and its funny.

Plucking up his courage Hero picks a Daffodil from a nearby flowerbed, smartens himself up and starts making his way over to her.
He's gets very close to her and starts getting more visibly nervous as he nears her. Suddenly a pair of giant hands appear on screen and place Macho in front of him, blocking his route
Pretty much unchanged.

Macho stretches and looks around as if waking from a sleep. Looking down down he starts slightly at seeing Hero down by his legs before sneering at the nervous gnome.
Disinterested by Hero he looks around and spots Girl. Macho snatches Hero’s daffodil from him and jams his cork gun into Hero's hands and (alike Hero) smartening himself up. Macho boldly strides over to her, drops down on one knee infront of her and presents her with the flower. She quite obviously does nothing.
-Introducing the gun into this scene, i would quite like to keep the gun in the story because it fits Machos character so well even if its not used in the way written here. Also tried to liven it up a bit.

Hero still recovering at the dissruption of his well laid plans and watches in horror as his dream girl is set upon by this newcomer.
-Got rid of the word "miffed" - a word that seemed to displease Sarah for inexplicable reasons.

Macho is still at her side flirting badly, showing her his muscles and rugged good looks. She quite obviously does nothing.
-Much more tame than my origional idea of having him giving her a backrub and whispering in her ear. And i think much more in character, whenever i draw him he's showing off in some way and flexing infront of her is exactly what he thinks will get her attention.

Is staring disgusted by the display infront of him, he looks like he desperatly wants to look away but is so shocked by what he's seeing he can't.
-Not sure about the way i've discribed this bit, but i think you get the idea.

There is a romantic picnic laid out and Macho is sitting pouring Girl some champagne, discreetly sneaks an arm around her shoulder and starts the leans and kisses her gently on the cheek. She quite obviously and unsurprisingly does nothing.
- To get the reaction i want for the next bit i had to up the ante and have Macho succeed in what Hero wants, so its like he's quite literally stole her from Hero.

Overcome with frustrated emotion Hero angrily throws the gun down to the ground in a fury. It hits the floor and goes off with a loud pop. The cork shoots out the end and smacks Macho right in the face hard, knocking him back.
Macho sits up dazed wondering what happened when a crack appears across his nose, he looks down at it cross eyed. The crack widens until with a crunch his nose falls off and lands in his lap with a soft flump.
- I dunno what Sarah thought of this idea we came up with earlier but i really REALLY liked it, its really funny and a really fitting ending for the character exploiting his greatest weakness, his looks.

Macho lets out a high pitched girly shriek and runs off with tears in his eyes clutching his face. Hero is once again stood in shock wondering what just happens before with a shrug he hapily skips up to Girl (who doesnt seem fazed by the events). He closes his eyes and slowly leans in to claim his kiss. Suddenly the football flies onto screen and smashes Girl into hundreds of pieces.

Credits

Macho ( with a ridculously bandaged nose) wanders degectedly back to see Hero (glue in hand) proudly looking over a badly remade Girl. Hero leans in for a kiss and a part falls off her.
-End

I'm happy with this. Its kind of a merge of Sarahs begining, my middle and Adams end. I really want feedback on this ASAP, thoughts, feelings etc.

Right thats me done for the day.