Screenplay Take 2

Righty shown the new screenplay and she likes it (yay) and then spoke about it to Dan Dahli whilst in the pursuit of drawing pins and he likes it (more yay). So as the story its going ahead with one small difference, we had been umming and arring about having Girl as a statue or real life and i wrote her into screenplay 2 as a statue, and Sarah finally decided that she should be moveable like the two boys. So i've done a quick rewrite and its been given the thumbs up to go to thumbnailing. I've pretty much taken the last one and added actions and reactions from Girl gnome.

A football bounces across the screen and in front of some reeds and disappears off to the side. The reeds shift slightly and hero steps out from between the looking tired having just woken up. Stretching he lets out a big yawn and looks across the pond lovingly at Girl gnome who is sitting combing her hair upon a pile of stones haloed by the morning light and small butterflies.
Hero plucks a Daffodil from a nearby flowerbed, smartens himself up and starts making his way over to her.
As he gets closer the sound of someone counting off reaches his ears and he slows, peering round a large leaf he sees Macho stretching infront of Girl. Macho looks over his shoulder to make sure she is watching, then reaches down and picks up a nearby rock and starts bench pressing with it. Girl is sat hugging her knees looking politely interested. Hero ducks back behind his leaf and ponders for a second before getting an idea.

Macho is happily bench pressing his rock, showing off, when Hero sidles up next to him looking intrigued. Macho although distracted does his best to ignore Hero. Hero makes a noise of disinterest and wanders off to the side. Girl straightens up and pays more attention. Macho annoyed at having his weight lifting dismissed so lightly sets the rock down and picks up a bigger one and starts lifting that. Hero walks back and makes a noise of mild surprise before walking off again, Macho is aghast at having his efforts once again put down by Hero so sets the bigger rocks down and picks up a garden fork and starts lifting that, struggling under the weight a little but achieving it.

Girl is seemingly impressed at what she’s looking at “oohs” softly under her breath. Macho hears and is ecstatic at getting a reaction from her and looks to see if Girl is looking and distraught to see she is infact interested in Hero balancing a stick on the end of his hand.

Macho throws the fork down and looks around desperately for something bigger to lift. He settles on a large flower pot with a large sunflower in it. He gets his fingers under the edge and starts lifting slowly putting all of his strength into it. Slowly it starts to raise then lifts faster and faster until he has the whole thing above his head. Gasping for breath Macho lets out a little laugh of exhilaration and looks across at Hero and Girl.

Hero and Girl are amazed and wander closer staring in bewonderment at the large weight perched on Macho’s shoulder, before Hero smiles coyly. He reaches down and picks up a small pebble off the ground, biting his tongue he concentrates and throws the stone which lands ontop of the flowerpot.

Unable to handle the added (although small) weight Macho’s shoulders start shaking before he falls to one knee. Then with an almighty crash the Flowerpot falls to the ground, Macho disappearing underneath it.

Girl stares at the spectacle infront of her before bursting out laughing at Machos embarrassment. Hero pleased to have gotten rid of the competition happily twirls Girl around. Placing her down on the other side to where she’d been standing they stop look into each others eyes and slowly lean in to kiss. Suddenly the football flies onto screen and smashes Girl into hundreds of pieces.CreditsMacho lifts the flowerpot off the ground and crawls out from underneath it, resting on the grass out of breath he looks up to see Hero (glue in hand) proudly looking over a badly remade Girl. Hero leans in for a kiss and a part falls off her.


Just reading back over it there are several areas that aren't perfect yet, but i imagine it will all come together in storyboarding and probably change quite alot, so we'll wait and see how it pans out.